So I think that I am getting the hang of this blogging thing :) For some reason I have had a rough time dealing with yet another month and no baby. It seems like the slightest song, look, or commercial will send my eyes into action with tears. I am officially Mrs. Waterworks!!! But I am doing my best to get out of this funk. I think I just feel like I am getting attacked my all of the F's in my life.
February - This month is the month of love and happiness right. My sister is even having a baby on February 14 if she makes it that far. And it seems like she isn't the only one I know bringing new life into the world in the month of Februrary. I think I know at least four or five babies coming in this month...more F's!! You probably wonder how I know so many people having babies this month and it's because if the next F in my life...Facebook!
Facebook - Struggling with infertility is certainly a personal thing. Nothing you want the whole world to know. But it seems now I have a heightened awareness of when someone is expecting. Someone will have a sonogram photo or "It's A Boy" posted on their page and my eyes just seem to go right for it. I feel like that old rap song that said, "My mind's playing tricks on me". Don't get me wrong I am genuinly happy for all of the new lives that are coming into the world. I am especially happy to be getting a new niece in less than a week, but I am human. It seems like sometimes the only place where my emotions can come out are through my eyeballs and so it may seem like I am sad...but honestly that is not the case. I am just in a funk and I am trying to free myself from it...more F's!!!
Family - I know people say this all the time but I truly am blessed with the best family ever. My husband is wonderful...I could not have been more blessed with a better person in my life. He is truly Mr. Wonderful :) My parents are so supportive and have never waivered in their love for me. I have the sweetest, most loving sister a girl could ask for and I don't tell her enough how much I love and appreciate her. And my in-laws are fabulous as well. My mother and father in law are so sweet and loving...I could not ask for more. I gained another sister in my sister-in-law Alecia. And the nieces and nephews are just icing on the cake. Their support is so fabulous...and you're probably saying "if these people are so good, why would this part be in this blog post." Well for some reason the only form of gratitude I am able to show my family right now is to...CRY! I have got to get out of this funk so that I can enjoy those around me while I still have them here. I have got to do better...and I'm trying...but I am human.
Fertility - Of course the big F! I think this is the root of all evil for me. Figuring out where this word fits in my life seems to be consuming me right now. I have got to have faith that the Lord is in control and is doing what is best for me. So instead of focusing on fertility, I am going to focus on Aimee. I need to get myself in a better state mentally and physically so that I can handle anything that comes my way. Just pray that I can change my mindset and be more positive about my life and of course my fertility. This "F" word isn't really attacking me either, I am just trying to fit it into the right place in my life right now.
Whew, I had these words in my head tonight and had to get them on paper or else they would come out of my eyeballs once more and I think I am all cried out right now. February 14 is going to be a huge day for us, my niece will come that day and we see the fertility doctor for the first time that day. Please keep us in your prayers. :) And so the journey continues...
No comments:
Post a Comment