I have a slight obsession with reality television. Two shows that I watch religiously are anything that has to do with the Kardashians and Giuliana & Bill. My favorite Kardashian is Khloe. I can identify with her in so many ways and one way in particular is the fact that she is dealing with infertility. While she is way more public than me with her struggle, I so understand how she feels to always field questions regarding when she's going to have a baby. I have yet to go to church and not have someone ask me when we are going to start a family or when we are going to add a boy to our brood...I just want to yell at them I'M TRYING...but that wouldn't be an effective form of communication :) Giuliana Rancic is a news anchor on the E! Entertainment network and she has chronicled her struggle with infertility as well. I was so elated to see that she is finally expecting via a surrogate mother. I can only imagine what that feeling is like after you've had a struggle conceiving. I have to sometimes look to these shows for hope and really as a form of therapy because it is so hard to always feel alone...like nobody understands what you're going through. What I have come to realize is that we are all alike in so many ways. I don't have the money they have nor the connections that they have but we have all experienced the same feelings of doubt, sadness, and all of the ups and downs that come with infertility. One of the hardest parts to deal with is when the doctor says that there is no medical reason for you to not be pregnant and all you want is to know is an answer for why it's not happening. I guess I am just venting today but I am so over being let down so much. It's hard to find the positive each day and with each cycle that passes. I digress...
I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of a co-worker this weekend and I lost it when the mother and son danced to the song "Mama" by Boyz II Men. I got emotional thinking about the special bond between a mother and her child. I guess I am starting to pay more attention to the sacrifices parents make for their children even when the kids don't know it. How I long for that day to come when I can develop a bond with a child and for them to know how much he/she is loved even before he/she gets here.
This week is supposed to be the week of magic for us. And let me add that this is probably Mr. Wonderful's favorite part of this whole baby making thing. Don't get me wrong, I am in love with my husband very much so but I do not share his enthusiasm about this time of the month :) I guess we will just have to continue seeing the positive with this process as much as we can. We didn't have to have ultrasounds for this dosage of Clomid (150 mg) so I am not really sure whether I am actually ovulating...only time will tell. I feel differently about this time around in the sense that I haven't been having those awful headaches that I had on Femara but I am having more bouts with nausea. I am still very hopeful that we will have our desired result. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Well guys, we are heading to a new place on this journey and hoping to find that pot of gold on the other side...
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